Reviews | The Best Baby Halloween Costumes — And The Worst
With that in mind, here are some costume ideas and what I think of them:
The baby escaped: This baby costume has a little sign that says “escaped after nine months”. You know, like you do, if you’re escaping from prison, carry a little sign that says “I escaped from prison after spending the following period there.” That’s why it’s so hard to break out of prison, because the dress code makes you very easy to catch. Do not like.
Baby voodoo doll: Are you supposed to stick pins in the baby in hopes of hurting another baby? I disagree with this concept.
Baby Pope: If the baby can move around in a baby mobile, this is allowed. If there is a high chair from which the baby can issue ex high cathedra proclamations, it is EXTRA allowed.
Adult pirate and baby mermaid: Nothing about this costume is good. “I went to the sea and kidnapped a child” is the story of this costume. No thanks.
Baby Dr. Evil: I don’t understand why this is a popular costume! It’s a pop culture reference from way before the baby is alive!
Baby disco ball: Great, and if the little disco ball is dented, it can turn into a little death star.
Baby avocado: The baby can be TWO different sources of trouble and expense for his millennial parents.
Baby candy corn: Yes! Polarize everyone who sees this baby! If they were to condemn candy, make them condemn your baby too!
Baby Cupid: Cupid is canonically often a baby, and I guess you might as well take the chance, if you’re classic.
Baby Zeus and Saturn: It’s a much better mythological baby costume, though! You go like Saturn and devour the baby! (Full disclosure: I haven’t actually seen this costume, but I want people to think about it.)
Chef and baby lobster: The joke is you eat your baby, and if you’re going to, do Saturn’s!
Baby astronaut uniform but pink for some reason: For when you want your little girl to think she can go to space as long as she takes her cock with her! Dream big but don’t think for a second that you can wear a costume where a viewer might not be able to identify you as a “little heartbreaker” or a “little princess”!
Werewolf but girl: YOUR BABY MAY HAVE TURNED INTO A RAVENOUS MONSTER…BEYOND REASON…SLAVERY FOR BLOOD ONLY! BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN SHE WON’T ALWAYS HAVE TWO CUTE LITTLE BOW TIES AND A CHECKED DRESS!
Baby hedgehog: Every baby hedgehog costume I’ve seen has me wondering out loud, “Do I really know what a hedgehog looks like?” That’s not your problem, though.
Baby sloth: Definitely cuter than a baby’s wrath, and far more appropriate than a baby’s lust.
Infant “Top Gun”: Ever since I saw a onesie with “Goose” on it for baby and a matching t-shirt that said “Maverick” on it for dad, I’ve been wary of “Top Gun” related baby clothes. Either these people haven’t watched the movie, or they want to imply that your careless behavior will lead to the untimely death of your child.
Baby Mickey: Over the course of my life, I’ve seen Mickey Mouse go from “a character that people have memories of, vague memories, but memories of” to “just a corporate mascot” – but I think there’s something sweetly dystopian about dressing your baby as the corporate mascot of the entity that owns the intellectual property of your entire childhood!
Baby Minnie Mouse: Or, better yet, as the girlfriend of that corporate mascot!
Disguise “Grease”: This way your child can look like a cool kid from the 1950s, 70 years before he was born! It’s the equivalent of dressing an 80s baby like Enrico Caruso or General John J. Pershing. Do you know who Enrico Caruso is? You shouldn’t have, at least not as a baby!
Gender piglet: Because when you want your child to dress like a little pink pig but you also have the thought, “If people don’t even know for a second what color my child’s gender reveal explosion was, I am going to garrot someone.”
Baby panties: I don’t know about that. I feel like the country is already accidentally disguising itself as the Germany of a bygone era, and it makes me nervous to purposely disguise myself as the Germany of a bygone era.
baby corgi: CUTE, but you missed your window!
Baby wolf: For more fun, if it’s cold, dress your baby as a wolf so what like a sheep!
80s Rocker Baby: Again, it’s the equivalent of dressing a baby born in the 1980s as a USO artist!
Corncob: In general, I think any costume whose name could also be an endearing term of address for the baby is good, and anything that requires introducing the baby to a decades-old piece of pop culture is bad. It is an ideal choice for a baby.
Corn on the cob, with a pink bow on it: Now, just wait a minute.